I am terrified, petrified, that awful rising wall of terror hits me whenever I think about it. Yes, I have signed up to do the 54 mile London to Brighton cycle ride this Sunday. Nooooooo!!!!!!
I have got myself a gel saddle, and a gel saddle cover and will shortly go out to buy myself a pair of gel shorts or whatever other padding it is they slip into those hideously unattractive black lycra short-thingies. I do actually have a massive gel bum sad to say but somehow it never seems to be quite enough cushioning. I shall be on the back of a pink tandem and have been told I must not peddle and I am not to try and steer. I have also been told, rather menacingly by the front part of the pairing, 'I will know if you aren't pedalling'. Drat and there was I thinking I could put my feet up, cross my legs and catch up on Facebook and a bit of e-mailing!
The longest run I've ever done is 8 miles in total and that nearly killed me so heaven knows what I will be like physically and mentally after tackling the hills around Brighton. Ah well, tis now or never I guess. Why on earth I didn't choose to just go down on the train like sensible people and tottle on down to the front with a bag of chips to welcome all the lunatic cyclists in I don't know. Instead I shall indeed be one of the puffing, pink, pelvically pulverised who limp of their machines at the end and never want to see a bike again as long as they live. The only good thing is that we have raised nearly £600 in sponsorship for Mind, the mental health charity.
So, wish me luck as you wave me goodbyeeeeee........